Need opinions on a book that I'm writing?

The story is most likely going to be called "camille-online", because it's an online blog written by Camille Daphne St. Aux. Also the setting is made up, as so are the characters, designers, etc. It's kind of a chick-flick book.





My first draft was: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…


The grammer corrections still aren't complete, but it's better than the first, and i added a couple more details.








Here's what I have so far:





december 31st


3:37 P.M.


Penelope and I are becoming party crashers. First, we snuck into Agatha DuPont’s 15th birthday party in November. Then a few days later, when Eloise Lavelle was getting married to Mason Parvenus, we wore our pink and peach Ronde Vu halter dresses and three inch Debonair heels and pretended to be Mason’s cousins. Now, we really have to go to this New Years Party today. Jude Chevalier, director of the comedy series, “Wanted: Cereal Stalker” and the romantic movie, “That Thing Called Love”, has a son named Stephen, who’s hosting the party, and also a complete stud, might I add. It’s going to be at the Xam Palace. I had my 15th birthday party there, and it was spectacular. It had cost tons, but it was definitely worth it.





The reason that we have to crash this party is not that we were not invited. Well, I was invited, but Penelope wasn’t. She doesn’t really know the Chevaliers, but is usually invited to all the major parties. Gisele Braque and Yvette Jade, two of my other close friends were also going, and it made Penelope really upset when she heard this. I’m a great friend, and when I saw Penelope disappointed, I tried to cheer her up. Although I knew that there would be a guest list, I offered to make a copy of my invitation just for her. I had received it a couple of weeks ago. Stephen’s younger sister, Emily, gave it to me in period 2 English at Greenfield High School. Her exact words as she placed the envelope in my hands were “Keep it safe, we don’t give out seconds.” Apparently, the party was ‘invitation only’, and I was not allowed to bring anyone else. Just like my party, there were over 800 people invited, and it was very crucial to have an invitation.





I tried to be careful to keep my invitation safe. However, the day that I received it, it was raining. When I ran into my dad’s Mercedes, driven by our ex-chauffeur, Ludovic, it had fallen. I only realized this when we were in front of our house; but when I told Ludovic to take us back to the school, it was gone. Maybe someone found it, maybe the wind blew it away, maybe we weren’t quick enough, I don’t know. I cried throughout the whole car ride. It wasn’t fair: I worked so hard to get that invite. I was nice to Emily and Stephen all year. I even babysat for their little brother, Edward. I don’t know what I did to deserve loosing my invite. All I knew was that it had disappeared, whoever had it was going to pay in some way, shape, or form, and I asked my dad to fire Ludovic because he wasn’t quick enough to take me back to the high school. By the next day, our new chauffeur, and our forty-second, was Harvey.





Harvey, unlike Ludovic, was quick, but not too fast. I asked him to take me to Stephen’s house. My plan to ask, not beg, Emily to give me another invite. Stephen lives in my neighborhood, Parlor Place, in Amore, Corni. Parlor Place is huge, and not to be a complete snob, but the richest people live there… including myself. The houses there are mansions, named after the family that lives there. For example, Stephen’s house is called the Chevalier Mansion, nicknamed and most known as ‘Chev Manor.’ My house is called the St. Aux Mansion. Even though Stephen’s house is massive, it’s only going to be used as the setting for the after party.|||This sounds like a cute read. I like it, but you should deff add some kind of dazzle or flare to it if the girls get in the party like a shooting or something. It's your story though. Happy writing (:|||You wrote four paragraphs in which not a single thing happened. This is generally a bad thing, from a literary standpoint. Unless you happen to be Marcel Proust.|||That sounds really good...





I would definately read it|||Great story line although I believe you could use more descriptive words and detailed information to make it more alluring.