Need opinions on a book I'm writing?

It's kind of a chick flick book that's written in diary form.


Also the setting is made up, as so are the characters, designers, etc.











december 31st


3:37 P.M.





Me and Penelope are becoming party crashers. First Agatha DuPont’s 15th birthday party in November, then Eloise Lavelle’s wedding, and now we absolutely have to go to Stephen Chevalier’s New Years party, because he is a complete stud! Not only that, but it is in the Xam Palace. I had my 15th birthday party there, and it was absolutely stunning. It had cost tons, but it was definitely worth it.





It is not that we were not invited – well, I was invited, but Penelope wasn’t. I just didn’t have my invitation anymore, or a ride. See, I got it, the invitation, two weeks ago. Stephen’s sister, Emily, gave it to me, and she told me to “keep it safe, we don’t give out seconds.” Apparently, the party was ‘invitation only’, and I wasn’t allowed to bring anyone else because there was already about 800 people invited, which is why the Xam Palace was reserved for his party. Stephen lives in my neighborhood, Parlor Place, in Amore, Corni. Parlor Place is huge, and not to be a complete snob, but the richest people live there… including myself. The houses there are mansions, named after the family that lives there. For example, Stephen’s house is called the Chevalier Mansion, nicknamed and most known as ‘Chev Manor.’ My house is called the St. Aux Mansion. Even though Stephen’s house is massive, it’s only going to be used as the setting for the after party.





Since the main party was invitation only, I tried to be really careful to keep my invitation safe. However, the day that I received it was rainy, and when I ran into my dad’s Mercedes, driven by our ex-chauffeur, Ludovic, it fell. I only realized it when we were in front of our house; but when I told Ludovic to take us back to the school, it was gone. Maybe someone found it, maybe the wind blew it away, maybe we weren’t quick enough, I don’t know. All I knew was: 1) My invitation had disappeared, 2) Whoever had it was going to pay in some way, shape, or form, and 3) I asked my dad to fire Ludovic, and by the next day, our new chauffeur was Harvey.











Thanks:)|||It definitely needs a lot of work, there are grammar issues and you jump around a lot. It was hard to follow and get into. Was this the beginning of the story? If so you need to give a little more background instead of jumping in. Also, it is hard to see where this is going, do you have a plot and ending in mind or is it just going to be a bunch of diary entries with no real purpose?|||It seems interesting!





Please answer mine too :)


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…|||that is OK. In the beginning it should be Penelope and I...because that sounds stupid if you talk like that. but other than that it is great!|||Penelope and I.


It's no good to start off your "book" with an error like that.


Makes me not want to read the rest.


But I did... and I'm sorry - but I'm not impressed.|||I refuse to read anything over 3 lines long.|||It's okay.. there are some errors, and it doesn't really jump out at me.|||yeah it sounds really interesting. good luck on the rest of it!|||its okay.. make it more descriptive and detailed and it would be very good!|||sry I did not read it, but you do know this has been done about a 1000 times right?|||to be honest with you....


1. you need to web your thoughts/ideas (your ideas are great it's just that you "hop" from one to another)


2. cut down on details (I personally like a book that moves quickly)


3. cut down on the number of characters (when a book has too many characters it is hard to keep track of each character)





good luck...you had great thoughts and Ideas